

Sheila McLaren, Ego Check
Free Sample
Chapter 1. The Cold Light of Worcester's Bureaucracy
(Sofia's POV)
The tall windows in the Old Art Room Turned Bureaucracy Room let in that cold Worcester light, the warped glass turning the November sky into something watery and pale, and I'd been sitting under it for four hours now, processing grant applications for a department I didn't care about. The hardwood floors were scuffed and stained with decades of paint splatters, ghost footprints of student projects that had once lived here, and the air smelled of printer toner and dust and the faint lingering tang of turpentine embedded deep in the floorboards, a scent that made my chest ache with longing for the studio I should have been in.
My desk was a chaotic island of mismatched things—a chipped ceramic cup, sticky notes in three colors, a Bulgarian rose keychain that Chiara had forced on me, and a half-eaten piece of lokum she'd shoved into my bag this morning. The radiator clanked like it was protesting its own existence, and the whole room felt like a repurposed cathedral that remembered being holy, remembered the days when students had stood at these easels and made something beautiful instead of filing forms no one would ever read.
A coworker laughed somewhere behind me, a sharp, dismissive sound that cut through the humming silence, and I flinched before I could stop myself. My aunt's voice rose from the depths of my memory, clear as if she were standing right there in that cramped Chicago kitchen with its smell of cabbage and vinegar and cruelty, telling me at twelve years old that nobody would ever love me, that I was too quiet, too strange, that I would die alone and nobody would even notice.
I ran my thumb over my grandmother's silver ring, feeling the familiar grooves worn smooth by decades of worry, and breathed through the memory the way my therapist had taught me—in for four, hold for four, out for four. My grandmother had been the only kind one, the only one who had looked at me like I was worth something, and she'd been gone for years now, and this ring was all I had left of her. I pressed my thumb into it one more time, let the metal cool my skin, and forced myself back to the present.
The rest of the day was a careful choreography I'd perfected over months of this soul-crushing job. I avoided eye contact with the smiling coworkers who didn't know my name. I ate my sandwich alone in the supply closet, wedged between boxes of printer paper and forgotten office supplies, sketching on a scrap of cardboard while I chewed. I made myself so small and so invisible that I practically dissolved into the beige walls, the way I'd been doing since I was a child, the way my family had taught me to survive.
This job had been forced on me by my family, of course, through some distant connection in the university's government affairs office, because why would they ever let me pursue something I actually loved? Why would they ever let me be happy when they'd spent my entire childhood making sure I knew I didn't deserve happiness? I was an art student at the Worcester Institute of Fine Arts, supposedly, but I felt like I was drowning in other people's bureaucracy instead of creating, and every day I sat at this desk I could feel my soul slowly calcifying into something grey and shapeless.
My phone buzzed against my thigh, and I fished it out to find a flood of voice messages from Chiara, each one more chaotic than the last. Her voice came through tinny and frantic: "Sofia, you have to come tonight, I'm dying of boredom, I'm dying of loneliness, I'm dying of the terrible injustice of having no one to talk to about the audition I just bombed, which was a travesty, a tragedy, a complete miscarriage of justice, and I need you to witness my suffering."
The next message was shorter, more urgent: "Tea house. Seven o'clock. I'll order your Turkish delight. If you don't show up, I'm coming to your office and I'm setting off the fire alarm, and don't think I won't do it." I smiled despite myself, something loosening in my chest. Chiara was the only person who made me feel like I wasn't completely disappearing, the only person who saw me and didn't look away, the only person whose chaos felt like comfort rather than threat.
I texted back: I'm coming. Don't set off any fire alarms. Then I packed up my things, shoved my sketchbook into my bag, and escaped into the grey November afternoon before anyone could ask me for anything else.
*
The walk to the Turkish Tea House was a blur of cold air and dying light. The sky was a permanent pewter that pressed down on Worcester like a lid on a pot, and the trees stood bare and skeletal against the clouds, their branches clawing at nothing. My breath fogged in front of me, and my fingers were numb even inside my gloves, and I hurried down the side streets with my head down, trying to get to the warmth as fast as possible.
The tea house was a pocket of something older, something kinder, tucked away on a street where the students rarely wandered. Its windows were fogged with steam, and when I pushed open the heavy door, the air wrapped around me like a blanket—the smell of black tea brewing in brass cezves, the sweetness of baklava cooling on wire racks, the faint rosewater that drifted from the back where the owner kept her spice jars. Colorful kilim cushions lined the benches, their geometric patterns bright against the dark wood, and brass lamps cast warm, uneven light that made everything feel softer, more possible.
Chiara was already installed in the back corner, her long black hair braided in an elaborate crown that must have taken an hour, her mustard yellow dress clashing gloriously with the crimson scarf around her neck. She was gesturing wildly at her phone, narrating something to no one in particular, and she launched herself out of her seat the moment she saw me.
"Sofia! You came!" She grabbed me in a hug that smelled of expensive perfume and the faint bitterness of her secret flask. "I was about to send a search party. I was about to call the police. I was about to—"
"You were about to order another cup of tea," I said, extracting myself and sliding into the seat across from her. "And you're not dying of boredom. You're being dramatic."
"I'm always dramatic, darling. That's the point."
Artem arrived a few minutes later, his silver-streaked hair rumpled and his elliptical glasses perched on his nose, a leather satchel slung over his shoulder that had seen better decades. He looked tired, more tired than he'd looked a month ago, but he smiled when he saw us, that weary, tender smile that made me feel like maybe I wasn't completely lost.
"You two look like you're plotting something," he said, sliding into the seat beside Chiara.
"I'm always plotting something," Chiara said brightly. "Sofia is plotting something. She's trying to plot her way out of this city and into some romantic fantasy where she actually has a life."
"I'm not plotting anything," I said, my ears turning pink. "I'm just existing."
"Existing is not a life plan, darling. It's a passive state."
Artem watched me with those knowing eyes, the ones that had seen too much grief and too much loss, and I knew he understood—understood that sometimes existing was all I could manage, that the weight of my family's cruelty had made me so careful about taking up space that I'd forgotten how to move at all.
"Be kind," he said quietly, and Chiara rolled her eyes but relented.
That evening, Chiara dragged me to the Jewish Restaurant, a glowing hearth of a place tucked between a laundromat and a closed-down bookstore. The warm amber bulbs cast honey-colored light across dark wood paneling, and the air was thick with the smell of challah and chicken soup and sweet onions. The floor creaked under mismatched chairs that had been collected from a hundred different thrift stores, and a mural stretched across one wall, sepia-toned portraits of Worcester families painted with soft brushstrokes that made the faces look like they were remembering something. Chiara burst in like she owned the place, greeting the staff in Maltese, and I followed in her wake like a dark shadow, my black jeans and oversized sweater absorbing the warmth of the room like a sponge. We settled into the corner booth, velvet worn smooth by decades of elbows and whispered conversations, and Chiara launched into a monologue about her most recent audition disaster while I sketched on a napkin, the charcoal pencil moving without my permission.
And then the door opened, and he walked in.
He walked in like he owned the room, like he owned the city, like he owned the whole goddamn state of Massachusetts. He was gorgeous in that infuriating way that made people turn their heads and then pretend they hadn't, his chin-length black hair impeccably styled but with a slight wave that suggested he'd just run his hands through it, a slight stubble along his jaw that caught the honey light in a way that was probably calculated. He wore a dark turtleneck and well-fitted jeans, expensive but understated, and he radiated confidence like a cologne you could smell from across the room. He spotted Artem immediately, because of course he did, and he cornered him with theatrical intensity.
"You can't seriously believe that." His voice was warm and rich, with a subtle Istanbul accent that came out when he was excited. "The Ottoman miniatures are not derivative of Persian art. They evolved in parallel. They're distinct traditions that influenced each other, but they're not copies."
Artem sighed, adjusting his glasses with the weary resignation of a man who had had this argument a hundred times. "I never said they were copies. I said they were influenced. There's a difference."
"A significant difference!" He threw his hands up, his gold signet ring catching the light. "You can't just dismiss an entire artistic tradition with a single word. That's lazy scholarship. That's—"
He caught my eye, and for a moment he paused, his dark mellow eyes sweeping over me with an intensity that made my stomach drop.
He winked. He actually winked at me.
I gripped my grandmother's ring under the table, pressing my thumb into its worn surface, and told myself not to be fooled. I knew his type. I had known his type my whole life—the boys who thought they were so charming and so brilliant, the ones who flirted with everyone and never saw the quiet ones in the corners. He was exactly the kind of person I'd spent years learning to avoid. He'd make some witty comment, flash that charming smile, and then forget I existed the moment I wasn't in the room anymore.
He turned back to Artem, still arguing, but I could feel his attention lingering on the edges of my consciousness like a thread I couldn't untangle. Chiara was watching me with that knowing look.
"Don't even start," I said, not looking up.
"I didn't say anything."
"You were about to."
"I was not. I was going to ask if you want to share the challah."
Artem finally managed to extricate himself from the argument, looking exhausted but secretly pleased, and made his way to our booth. Eren followed, because of course he did, because he wasn't done yet.
"This is Sofia," Artem said, gesturing to me with resigned humor. "She's one of my students. Sofia, this is Eren. He's also one of my students. He's—"
"A genius." He slid into the booth beside me without asking. "I'm a genius. Artem won't admit it, but I'm a genius."
"You're a handful," Artem said. "And I need tea."
He made his escape, leaving me alone with this arrogant, gorgeous stranger who was looking at me like I was a puzzle he wanted to solve.
"You draw," Eren said, his voice dropping to something more intimate. "I'd like to see your work sometime."
I didn't look up from my sketch. "I'm sure you would. You seem like the type who likes to look at things that aren't yours."
He laughed—actually laughed, a surprised, full-throated sound. "I've never met anyone like you."
"Lucky you."
"Lucky me," he agreed, and there was something in his voice that made me look up despite myself. His eyes were warm, mellow, and they were fixed on me with an attention that felt almost uncomfortable. "You don't worship me. It's confusing."
"Someone has to keep your ego in check."
"Are you volunteering?"
I picked up my pencil and went back to my sketch. "I'm just existing. It's a passive state."
He laughed again, and I felt something in my chest shift, something that felt dangerously like interest.
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